Coma Girl’s
Patrick Dempsey Film Guide

So Grey’s Anatomy is on summer hiatus and you’re needing to satisfy that wicked Patrick Dempsey craving. Where to look for the quickest gratification from a sea of PD movies you’ve never heard of? How to know which otherwise poorly rated film might hold a gem of a performance (or at least some scorching hot sex)?

After watching every single thing available (the good, the bad, and the really bad), I present my totally subjective ratings guide to Patrick Dempsey on film and TV. Note that opportunities to ogle PD count just as much as the quality of the production. So an excellent movie with little ogling potential may actually score lower than a mediocre one with much mouth-watering PD hotness. Like I said, totally subjective.

Scores are based on a 40 point scale, with a maximum of 10 points in each of 4 categories:

• Production: Overall quality of the writing, direction, cinematography, costumes, sets and music.
• Acting: PD’s acting, but also that of the entire cast and their chemistry together.
• Hair: PD’s overall attractiveness on screen, often directly proportional to the attractiveness of his hair.
• Skin: How much PD exposes his body, and how hot he looks when he does. I never said I wasn’t shallow.
• Extra credit: Always a plus when PD uses his special talents like magic, juggling, unicycle riding, dancing, skiing, car racing, or radiating an unusual degree of hotness.
  

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38: "Grey’s Anatomy" (2005, TV)
Five surgical interns struggle to balance their personal and professional lives in the competitive, stressful environment of Seattle Grace Hospital. http://imdb.com/title/tt0413573/

• 9 Production: Well written and directed (though it plays very loosely with medical accuracy). A nice mixture of drama and comedy, and great music well used.
• 10 Acting: PD is at his best as the cocky, charming attending surgeon Derek Shepherd. All around great cast with outstanding chemistry, especially between PD and leading lady Ellen Pompeo (though, as one reviewer noted, PD could have great chemistry with a colostomy bag.)
• 9 Hair: He’s not called McDreamy for nothin’. Still smokin’ hot at 39, but one point off for his character’s occasionally plot-driven haggard appearance.
• 9 Skin: Fairly frequent shirtlessness and a bit of exposed leg in bed. Includes an extra point for the producers’ good sense to open the pilot episode with a fleeting shot of PD’s bare butt.
• 1 Extra credit: Ability to convey extreme hotness with just his eyes behind a surgical mask.

34: "Lucky 7" (2003, TV Movie)
A young lawyer must decide whether to follow her long dead mother’s advice or to follow her heart in finding true love. http://imdb.com/title/tt0370904/

• 9 Production: A delightful, sweet, if predictable little romance. Nicely done in a low-key way. Extra point for the gorgeous location shots on Orcas Island near the Washington/British Colombia border. Coincidentally for Grey’s Anatomy lovers, this movie prominently features both Seattle and ferryboats.
• 9 Acting: PD quite charming as the Bagel Guy she unexpectedly falls for. Sweet, effortless performances and great chemistry all around.
• 8 Hair: Looking good with great hair at 37, but 1 point off for the little soul patch, which looks icky in profile.
• 8 Skin: Damn fine shirtlessness and two very cute dimples in his lower back.

34: "A Season in Purgatory" (1996, TV Mini-series)
An aspiring writer from a working class background becomes involved with a wealthy, influential family and gets swept up in a web of murder and greed. http://imdb.com/title/tt0115348/

• 8 Production: Well-done miniseries based on the Dominick Dunne novel. One point off for a bit too much melodrama in this Aaron Spelling production.
• 8 Acting: Great ensemble cast does an excellent job. PD gives a strong lead performance as the writer.
• 9 Hair: PD quite gorgeous at 30. Hair is mostly great (very long on top and nicely tousled). His face looks especially beautiful in many scenes.
• 9 Skin: PD shows a nicely muscled physique while sitting on the edge of a bathtub in his underwear. Also shows some nice skin while shirtless in bed, putting on a wetsuit in several swimming scenes, and in shorts for tennis (nice serve, too).
  

31. "Once and Again" (2000-2002, TV)
Strangers and Brothers, 1.18 (2000), Feast or Famine, 2.4 (2001), Aaron’s Getting Better, 2.16 (2001), Aaron’s List of Dreams, 3.16 (2002)
A fortysomething divorced father and a soon-to-be divorced mother navigate parenting, family issues and financial hardships while beginning a romantic courtship and marriage. http://imdb.com/title/tt0202198/

• 10 Production: This acclaimed drama was superbly written, produced and directed. The gorgeous lighting, the supple rhythm of the editing, the pitch-perfect performances, the excellence on every level make this some of the most richly satisfying television ever.
• 10 Acting: The cast as a whole is remarkable, with sensitive performances revealing additional layers with repeated viewings. PD’s performance, as the lead character’s institutionalized schizophrenic brother, is a big stretch from his familiar light leading man persona. The wonder of his performance is the constant tension in his precarious emotional balance. His Aaron Brooks -- damaged and vulnerable with flashes of tenderness and quirky humor shining through -- is heart wrenching to watch. He convincingly pulls off dialog that at times rises to a kind of fragile poetry. His chemistry with the extraordinary Jill Whelan as his niece is especially magical. And he juggles in a flashback scene in season three.
• 6 Hair: At 35, PD's attractiveness varies greatly with his character’s degree of mental stability. In scenes where he’s barely holding it together his hair is disheveled, his clothes are bulky and ill-fitting, and he seems almost dead behind his sunken eyes. During periods of greater stability he appears clean-shaven and neatly dressed, and his hair is curly and attractive (though awkwardly styled). No matter his mental state, however, PD is gorgeous and charismatic whenever a smile lights up his face.
• 0 Skin: PD spends much of his time hiding behind a heavy winter coat or sweater.
• 5 Extra Credit: Tons of extra points for PD’s devastating Emmy-nominated performance.

30: "Will and Grace" (2000-2001, TV)
Love Plus One, 3.6 (2000), Crazy In Love, 3.12 (2001), Brothers, A Love Story, 3.13 (2001)

Straight interior designer Grace advises her best friend Will, a gay lawyer, as he begins a new relationship with a handsome sportscaster. http://imdb.com/title/tt0338139/

• 7 Production: Slick and professional, in that self-consciously hip W&G way. These somewhat earlier episodes aired when the humor and characters were still reasonably fresh as opposed to present day when the show is way past its expiration date.
• 8 Acting: PD as Will's new love interest Matt is charming, charismatic and totally gorgeous. Consistent with W&G's "every line's a punchline" style, PD gives a delightful performance that blends seamlessly with the W&G ensemble.
• 10 Hair: Beyond a doubt, the absolute pinnacle of PD hotness.
• 3 Skin: No nudity, but PD at 34 is damn fine in a muscle shirt in the gym locker room scene.
• 2 Extra credit: PD makes liberal use of his killer smile and devastating charm, and looks awesome in a turtleneck sweater.

30: "Iron Jawed Angels" (2004, HBO Movie)

A group of dedicated suffragettes struggles for women’s voting rights in America. http://imdb.com/title/tt0338139/

• 9 Production: A quality film in every way, but the modern music and camera effects don’t quite meld with the early 20th century story.
• 10 Acting: Top notch performances all around. Golden Globes for Hillary Swank and Angelica Huston. PD’s sympathetic political cartoonist is a fairly minor character, but has some very nice scenes with lead HS. Touching moments putting his young son to bed. Lovely scene in a sun-dappled field by the river where he teaches HS to dance.
• 10 Hair: PD’s hair is probably not historically accurate, but who cares. At 38, he’s simply gorgeous and looks incredibly dapper in a tux and top hat, not to mention an authentic period football jersey.
• 0 Skin: HS’s character rebuffs PD’s romantic moves -- and potential gettin’ nekkid opportunities -- to devote her life to The Cause. Fool.
• 1 Extra credit: In the DVD commentary, the producer and director praise PD’s on-screen chemistry with HS, his ability to make other actors’ performances even better, his great little "moments" and improvisational skills, his "genuine and real" performance.

30: ‘’JFK: Reckless Youth" (1993, TV Mini-series)
The early years of John F. Kennedy’s life from boarding school to his run for Congress, including his days as a ladies’ man and his rivalry with his older brother. http://imdb.com/title/tt0106035/

• 8 Production: Nicely produced TV mini-series.
• 9 Acting: Solid performances all around with outstanding portrayal of JFK by PD. Nice ballroom dancing scene with PD in tux. PD also a looker in polo shirt and tennis shorts. Many athletic scenes with sailing, football, swimming. PD uses his juggling expertise to bounce a ball elegantly off his brother’s bedroom wall.
• 7 Hair: Hair’s little short for historical accuracy, but at 27 PD’s still lookin’ fine in every scene.
• 6 Skin: Shirtless in lovemaking scenes with his is-she-or-isn’t-she-a-spy Danish girlfriend.
  

29: "Some Girls" aka "Sisters" (1988)
A college student travels to Quebec to spend the Christmas holiday with his girlfriend’s eccentric family, where he learns unexpected lessons about life and love. http://imdb.com/title/tt0098356/

• 8 Production: Sweet, lighthearted tale, well made but a little self-consciously arty. Lovely location shots in wintertime Quebec.
• 8 Acting: Good performances all around including a charming PD as the college student, a very young Jennifer Connolly as his girlfriend and the wonderful Lila Kedrova as her dying grandmother. Genuinely touching scenes between PD and Granny. Nice physical comedy as PD cross-country skies through the woods.
• 8 Hair: Very good hair for one of his earlier roles. PD dresses handsomely with charming eccentricity.
• 5 Skin: Full-frontal nudity, and lots of naked running about, but a very skinny PD at 22.

29:"Blonde" (2001, TV Mini-series)
A partially fictionalized account of Marilyn Monroe’s life from childhood with her unhinged alcoholic mother to her many affairs, marriages, breakdowns and -- oh yes -- movies. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0254890/

• 5 Production: B-grade melodrama features a decent cast but frequently uneven performances and stilted dialog. As if MM’s real life weren’t sensational enough, the movie adds the fictional storyline of her dissolute three-way relationship with Cass Chaplin (fictional son of Charlie) and his friend Eddie G.
• 6 Acting: Poppy Montgomery does an admirable job recreating MM. PD gives a good performance as the debonair and debauched Cass. The rest of the cast can be one-dimensional and prone to scenery chewing.
• 10 Hair: PD’s Cass is every inch the rakish scoundrel. His hair is luxuriantly wavy and styled just so. He’s polished and elegant in a string of beautifully-tailored suits, formal wear and clingy turtleneck sweaters. And he's sexy as hell, tumbling around in the sand in a tux, as he seduces Marilyn on the beach at night.
• 7 Skin: Nicely buff at 35, PD is deliciously naked from the waist up in several bedroom scenes. Another scene shows his really quite beautiful feet.
• 1 Extra Credit: There’s something simultaneously heartbreaking, sexy and corrupt about PD as his character describes his pain over MM aborting his child. He dresses entirely in black and holds the stuffed toy tiger that symbolizes MM’s lost childhood and longing to have her own child.

27: "Sweet Home Alabama" (2002)
A young fashion designer, newly engaged to New York’s most eligible bachelor, must return to her roots in Alabama to finalize her divorce from the redneck husband she married in high school. http://imdb.com/title/tt0256415/

• 8 Production: Fairly well done Hollywood formula film built on a rather flimsy premise. Would have gotten a much higher total score if PD (as the fiancé) had gotten the girl and/or taken his clothes off. Give the people what they want.
• 8 Acting: All the leads are appealing, though a few supporting performances lean towards cartoons.
• 10 Hair: PD’s hair might even be a bit too perfect, not that I’m complaining. At 36, he looks just great in a tux.
• 0 Skin: Completely buttoned up at all times.
• 1 Extra credit: PD is delicious in a black turtleneck sweater and brown suede jacket.

27: "Bank Robber" (1993)
A bank robber hides out from the police in a seedy hotel where he is forced to meet the tenants’ escalating demands for bribes to ensure their silence. http://imdb.com/title/tt0106353/

• 4 Production: An erotic black comedy with mediocre scripting and production values. Attempts at humor mostly fall flat. Nice, jazzy score from Stewart Copeland of The Police. Look closely for a fleeting musical cameo by the pleasantly campy Del Rubio Triplets ("3 Gals, 3 Guitars, 1 Birthday").
• 5 Acting: Bad performances by the supporting cast but passable performances (and very hot chemistry) between leads PD and Lisa Bonet. PD as the bank robber twirls a revolver on his finger Billy-the-Kid-style, works out with some push-ups and dips on a chair, and climbs a rope ladder most athletically.
• 7 Hair: PD looking almost but not quite gorgeous at 27. Hair is a bit too long and unruly, and his face is still a bit young. He looks great, however, in a pin-striped gangster suit as well as his underwear (in which he appears for almost half the film.)
• 10 Skin: PD is very, very buff and shows lots of flesh in the sex and shower scenes. Film begins in the shower where the camera lingers very low on his muscular torso. Two more PD shower scenes including one with a full rear view.
• 1 Extra credit: Two red hot sex scenes (with mild bondage) featuring enthusiastic performances from both PD and Lisa Bonet.

26: "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" (1997, TV Movie)
A TV version of Jules Verne’s classic novel about a marine scientist’s perilous journey to the ocean depths aboard Captain Nemo’s fantastic vessel, the Nautilus. http://imdb.com/title/tt0118248/

• 8 Production: Very well done, with great sets and props, especially the Nautilus, its technology and machinery. Excellent action sequences.
• 8 Acting: Great cast does a fine job. Nice chemistry between PD as the scientist and his love interest, Captain Nemo’s chemist daughter.
• 9 Hair: PD at 31 is looking quite fine. Beautiful face, and hair is curly and gorgeous. Looks great in 19th century clothes.
• 1 Skin: All buttoned up, though he still looks hot in several snug sweaters.

26: "The Escape" (1997, TV Movie)
A wrongfully convicted prisoner escapes and hides in an abandoned house where he meets an attractive musician who is taking refuge from a raging storm. http://imdb.com/title/tt0129062/

• 5 Production: B grade movie mixes a prison escape, a star-crossed romance and jazz club poetry readings. Slightly more successful than it sounds.
• 5 Acting: Decent performances, though PD is not entirely convincing reciting his character’s poetry.
• 5 Hair: As befits a prisoner on the run during a storm, PD is unshaven with long and greasy-looking hair. He looks quite a bit better after a little warming by the fire.
• 10 Skin: At 31, PD is very buff, has sexy chest and arm tattoos, and shows about as much skin as you’re likely to see in an R-rated film.
• 1 Extra Credit: Features an extended, very sensual lovemaking scene in front of the fire. If I remember my Kama Sutra correctly, that’s the position called "Splitting the Bamboo."

25: "Face the Music" (1993)
Divorced couple Charlie and Lisa, a former songwriting team, get together to write one final song. Imagine "Sweet Home Alabama" set in France with PD in the Reese Witherspoon role. http://imdb.com/title/tt0106852/

• 5 Production: Predictable script, okay production. Lovely locations in France.
• 4 Acting: A mediocre movie boosted by considerable PD hotness. Little chemistry between PD and a pudgy, unattractive Molly Ringwald. A fat slob character from Liverpool fails miserably as comic relief.
• 8 Hair: Very attractive and nicely dressed with great hair. Ironically, PD as Charlie looks a bit like a younger version of himself in Sweet Home Alabama.
• 7 Skin: Long full rear nude shot of PD, finally all grown up at 27.
• 1 Extra credit: PD’s very brief tequila-fired rump shakin’ dance at a country inn.

25: "Can’t Buy Me Love" aka "Boy Rents Girl" (1987)
In hopes of becoming cool, high school nerd Ronald pays the most popular girl in school one thousand dollars to pretend to be his girlfriend for a month. http://imdb.com/title/tt0092718/

• 8 Production: Formulaic, predictable, yet very likable teen romantic comedy. Dumb jock and airhead girl stereotypes abound. Really bad 80’s clothes and hair. Great use of Tucson airplane graveyard location.
• 7 Acting: Sweet PD performance as Ronald. Nice chemistry with his female lead. PD does a nice vaudeville bit of business with a pith helmet, and a handstand on his lawnmower, and athletically launches himself in and out of convertibles.
• 6 Hair: Take your choice of an explosion of frizzy curls or an icky slicked down look. However, PD looks great in tight jeans, black t-shirt, cowboy hat and boots in the final scene.
• 3 Skin: Shirtless while washing a car, but a very skinny PD at 21.
• 1 Extra credit: The anteater ritual dance is actually pretty fun. Nicely stupid Paula Abdul choreography.

25: "Coupe de Ville" (1990)
Three very different brothers reunite for a cross-country trip to deliver a Cadillac to their mother as a 50th birthday present. http://imdb.com/title/tt0099310/

• 6 Production: Standard Hollywood movie that telegraphs the ending right from the start.
• 6 Acting: PD does a good job as the smart aleck youngest brother. Nice chemistry among the three. Sweet sleight of hand scene where PD flips a coin across his knuckles, magician-style, for a little boy.
• 7 Hair: PD looks young but generally hunky in a t-shirt, jeans and motorcycle boots, in an impudent-bad-boy-with-a-heart-of-gold sort of way.
• 6 Skin: Nice hotel room scene in his underwear, with PD heading towards buffness at 24.

25: "Bloodknot" (1995)
When a grieving family opens its home to an unknown women who claims to have been their dead son’s fiancée, she slowly infiltrates their lives with shocking consequences. http://imdb.com/title/tt0112534/

• 6 Production: Decent erotic thriller that doesn’t quite fulfill its promise at the end.
• 6 Acting: Overall convincing performances. PD is fairly good as the younger son who is drawn away from his own girlfriend by the mystery woman.
• 7 Hair: PD looking a bit like McDreamy Junior with longish hair and attractive stubble. Shades of PD’s current hobby, he looks quite attractive wearing a race suit while driving his stock car.
• 5 Skin: Several scenes with PD in open shirts, shorts. Sexy scene with PD’s shirt stripped off.
• 1 Extra Credit: Erotic moment where PD gets up close and very personal with the movie’s villainess.

23: "In the Mood" aka "The Woo Woo Kid" (1987)
In 1944, fifteen year old Sonny Wisecarver makes national headlines and becomes an improbable sex symbol because of his affairs with several much older women. http://imdb.com/title/tt0093253/

• 7 Production: Nice presentation of a true story. Includes an interview with the real Sonny Wisecarver.
• 8 Acting: Nice work all around, with a particularly charming performance by PD who at 21 really looks like the fifteen year old he plays.
• 5 Hair: Bland and cute, with little sign of the total PD hotness yet to come.
• 3 Skin: A few shirtless scenes, but a very skinny PD at 21.

23:"A Fighting Choice" (1986, TV Movie)

Sixteen year old Kellin Taylor sues his parents for the right to undergo experimental "split brain" surgery in hopes of curing his epileptic seizures. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091048/

• 7 Production: Typical heartwarming Disney after school disease of the week movie, competently made but a bit cliché ridden.
• 8 Acting: PD in his first starring role is impressive as Kellin. Also PD’s first screen kiss. Effective portrayal of several grand mal seizures as well as his character’s more subtle moments. His charm and great smile light up many scenes. Briefly juggles three quarters for his girlfriend and does a brief, not too embarrassing Brando impression. Other actors, including Beau Bridges as his father, are generally good, however Karen Valentine as his mother is mediocre and annoying.
• 5 Hair: PD at 20 is bland, cute and looks about 15 in his letter jacket, black and white hightops, and rolled up jeans. His hair is curly and nicely styled, his voice is very high, and he has yet to grow into his adult face. Hard to imagine he’d emerge as such a hottie 15 years later.
• 2 Skin: Naked from the waist up as he’s prepped for surgery, but PD still has that little boy body he didn’t outgrow until his mid-twenties.
• 1 Extra Credit: Turns out PD has a beautifully shaped head, as we see when his hair is shaved for brain surgery. How ironic, given PD’s current role as a brain surgeon in Grey’s Anatomy, to see him cast as the patient undergoing brain surgery himself.

23: Happy Together (1989)
Christopher, a serious, aspiring writer, and Alex, an aspiring actress and party girl, are mistakenly paired as college dorm roommates. http://imdb.com/title/tt0097478/

• 6 Production: Formulaic, totally predictable, yet likable Hollywood teen film. Lots of stereotypical dumb jock roles (and a very young Brad Pitt with a bleached blonde mullet). Bad 80’s clothing and hair.
• 6 Acting: Nice chemistry between the leads. Scene with PD in drag is slightly less offensive than it sounds. Despite its flaws, the movie is saved by PD’s charming performance as the writer, and his vaudeville-style skills.
• 6 Hair: Not bad for one of PD’s earlier roles.
• 3 Skin: Shower scene with partial nudity, but a skinny PD at 23.
• 2 Extra credit: Great acrobatic PD dancing on a rooftop and a nice vaudeville bit of business with a hat. Choreography clearly inspired by "Singin’ in the Rain". Rides a unicycle and pops a front-wheel wheelie on a bike.

23. "The Practice" (2004, TV)
Coming Home, 8.13, Pre-Trial Blues, 8.14, Mr. Shore Goes to Town, 8.15
Attorney Alan Shore returns to his Massachusetts hometown to defend Dr. Paul Stewart, his childhood best friend, who is accused of brutally bludgeoning his mistress. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118437/

• 8 Production: Well-written and produced legal drama, with liberal doses of sarcasm and quirkiness from lead James Spader.
• 8 Acting: Good performances from all, including a steely-eyed Jill Clayburgh as Stewart’s mother and Betty White as a hilariously foul-mouthed witness. As the accused murderer, PD is fine in a somewhat unexciting role as the meek dentist and obedient son, though he doesn’t convey the character’s fear and panic quite convincingly. In the last 5 minutes, however, things get considerably more interesting, and PD pulls off the required character depth.
• 7 Hair: PD at 38 is generally quite attractive, though his hair is fairly straight and neatly parted, reducing the potential dreaminess of his luscious curls.
• 0 Skin: All buttoned up.
  

23: "Crime and Punishment" (1998, TV Movie)
A man is tortured by the conflict between his ideals and his desperate circumstances, when he kills and must then live with his guilt. http://imdb.com/title/tt0144041/

• 8 Production: Nicely done treatment of the Dostoevsky novel. Beautiful cinematography, costumes and sets.
• 9 Acting: Excellent performances from a superb Ben Kingsley and an impassioned PD as Raskolnikov.
• 2 Hair: PD looking appropriately poor and desperate, with stringy hair and ratty beard
• 3 Skin: One shirtless scene, where PD at 32 looks far more buff than his character really should.
• 1 Extra Credit: PD consistently nails his Russian accent.

21: "With Honors" (1994)
When a Harvard senior loses his thesis, he must trade each page for a favor to the bum who recovered it, learning unexpected lessons in the process. http://imdb.com/title/tt0111732/

• 6 Production: Competently made but nothing special. Nice location shots on the Harvard campus.
• 7 Acting: Generally good characters and acting. PD as one of the roommates is just part of an ensemble cast, with Brendan Fraser in the lead. Has a fun plate juggling moment while cooking pasta, drinks lots of fine wine (which apparently mirrored real life during the making of the movie) and exhibits cute eccentricities, including keeping a pet chicken in his room.
• 7 Hair: PD at 28 is looking good in a smart, hip way, with long curly hair, a goatee and funky clothes.
• 1 Skin: Nothing more than a scene with PD in a bathrobe.

21: "Run" (1991)
A law student accidentally kills a gangster’s son, and finds himself on the run from crooked cops as well as the mob. http://imdb.com/title/tt0102818/

• 5 Production: Routine thriller with lots of car crashes, gunfire and explosions. Unlike the weaponry, attempts at humor often misfire.
• 5 Acting: Lots of running, jumping, fighting stunts from PD, but his overall performance as an innocent, terrified man on the run is not entirely believable.
• 7 Hair: PD is quite attractive at 25 as the young, preppy law student.
• 4 Skin: Somewhat gratuitous after-shower scene shows a slim but wiry PD wrapped in a towel.

21: "The Emperor’s Club" (2002)
An idealistic prep school classics teacher compromises his integrity in an attempt to reform an incorrigible student. http://imdb.com/title/tt0283530/

• 8 Production: Good, earnest, conventional teacher drama about the lessons of character and integrity.
• 9 Acting: Entire cast, especially Kevin Kline, is excellent. PD as one of the students in the present day is very charming in his one significant scene.
• 7 Hair: PD’s looking quite good at 36, though his hair is just a little short for optimum gorgeousness.
• 0 Skin: Completely buttoned up at all times.
• -3 Penalty points: PD has just a few minutes of screen time, and only at the end of the film.

20: "Life in the Fast Lane" aka "There’s No Fish Food in Heaven" (1998)
A frustrated artist accidentally kills her obsessive graffiti artist boyfriend and then communicates with his spirit while she tries to locate his lost body. http://imdb.com/title/tt0139645/

• 4 Production: Cheerfully inept yet somehow sweet little black comedy. Oddly, the VHS/DVD cover photo of PD is a horrible, badly retouched publicity shot from some other film and bears no resemblance whatsoever to his appearance or his role in this movie.
• 5 Acting: Charmingly cheesy performances from most of the cast. PD has no dialog – his performance consists mostly of looking dangerous, hot and seductive. And a great performance it is.
• 9 Hair: PD is devilishly sexy in the mysterious role of The Stranger. His hair is gorgeous and is accented with little "devil horns" on the sides.
• 4 Skin: Little PD skin, but he’s quite buff and sexy at 32 while dancing suggestively in tight black latex fetish wear. Several fully clothed sex scenes, including one in a church vestibule.
• -2 Penalty points: Small PD role with little screen time.

18: "Outbreak" (1995)
A deadly African virus reaches epidemic proportions when it spreads to a small California town, and scientists race to find a cure before the entire town must be destroyed. http://imdb.com/title/tt0114069/

• 8 Production: Well done, big budget Hollywood thriller that starts strong but ends a bit weakly.
• 8 Acting: Sweet scene where PD releases a monkey into the forest. Good performances from 4 Oscar winners, none of which acts opposite PD (he appears only in a small side story that sets up the plot for the rest of the film.)
• 4 Hair: PD, the first victim of the virus, is at 29 looking pretty greasy at first while driving a forklift… then kinda grungy-hot with rock-n-roll hair, torn jeans, leather jacket and a heavy metal t-shirt while screaming out a song and beating a drumstick against his car’s dash… then diseased and bleeding from his eyes as he succumbs to the virus.
• 1 Skin: A not-exactly-erotic close-up of PD’s chest during his autopsy.
• -3 Penalty points: PD has little on-screen time, and only at the start of the film.

18: "Jeremiah" (1998, TV Movie)
The prophet Jeremiah abandons his family and the woman he loves to relay messages from God in Jerusalem, for which he is brutally beaten and imprisoned. http://imdb.com/title/tt0174792/

• 8 Production: Excellent production of the biblical story shot in Morocco.
• 6 Acting: Good overall acting, but PD’s earnest performance as Jeremiah lacks a certain gravitas and religious fervor while he’s speaking the word of God.
• 5 Hair: PD is unexpectedly sexy in his long hair and biblical beard at the beginning, but he becomes quite dirty, scraggly and unattractive as he suffers repeated abuse.
• 1 Skin: Only a bit of leg, a peek at his chest, and a close-up of his feet being purified with water.
• -2 Penalty points: Nobody’s PD craving will be served by seeing him repeatedly beaten, tortured, imprisoned and dragged behind a horse.

16: "Hugo Pool" aka "Pool Girl" (1997)
As the operator of an L.A. pool company, a young woman crosses paths with assorted loonies, and falls in love with a young man with Lou Gehrig’s disease, while servicing 44 pools in one day. http://imdb.com/title/tt0119327/

• 3 Production: A self-indulgent, contrived movie that fails to achieve a hip blend of quirkiness and sentimentality. A nice jazz score from Danilo Perez is unfortunately poorly and sporadically used.
• 4 Acting: Alyssa Milano and PD are appealing with a charming romantic chemistry. The rest of the cast (4 Oscar nominees!) is totally bizarre. Sean Penn’s performance is inexplicable and Robert Downey Jr. is simply unwatchable.
• 6 Hair: PD at 31 is pretty darn cute despite the considerable fact that he plays a quadriplegic in a motorized wheelchair who can talk only with a computer-synthesized voice.
• 2 Skin: PD briefly shirtless as his aide dresses him. Looking pretty buff for an invalid.
• 1 Extra Credit: In a non-speaking role, PD manages a sweet, touching performance using only his eyes and smile.

15: "Scream 3" (2000)
The third installment of the ‘Scream’ horror film parodies, in which the masked killer stalks the cast of the Hollywood movie ‘Stab 3.’ http://imdb.com/title/tt0134084/

• 5 Production: The worst of the Scream trilogy.
• 5 Acting: Lots of marginal performances to suit the camp nature of the film. PD as the police detective gets little screen time and appears a bit menacing and unsympathetic until the end for plot purposes. In the DVD outtakes, PD looks like the only professional actor in a bunch of high school drama class cutups.
• 5 Hair: PD at 34 looks gaunt and weary, like he’s just come through a long illness.
• 0 Skin: None unless you count a couple open-necked shirts.

15: "Loverboy" (1989)
A pizza delivery boy trying to earn money for college finds he can make extra bucks providing lonely Beverly Hills women with more than just anchovy pizzas. http://imdb.com/title/tt0097790/

• 4 Production: An embarrassing movie in many ways.
• 3 Acting: A cute, fun, energetic PD as the delivery boy is the best of the lot in a mostly cartoonish cast. Really bad 80’s clothes and hair. Truly horrid acting from nearly everyone, including Cher’s "bagel boy" in his first role, sporting lots of eyeliner and a fake Italian accent.
• 4 Hair: Bland but cute, with little sign of the total PD hotness yet to come.
• 3 Skin: Lots of partial nudity by a really skinny PD at 23.
• 1 Extra credit: Lots of nice PD athleticism: dancing, pratfalls, leaping over gates and counters, etc.

15: "Meatballs 3: Summer Job" (1987)
A dead porn star returns to earth to earn her way into heaven by helping young nerd Rudy lose his virginity. http://imdb.com/title/tt0093516/

• 4 Production: Lame teenage sex comedy with lots of dumb jock and airhead girl stereotypes. Throwaway movie with barely adequate production values.
• 3 Acting: Cartoonish performances abound, but PD is fairly charming if a bit bland as Rudy. PD does a little dancing with some acrobatic moves (which are reprised, much improved, two years later in "Happy Together").
• 4 Hair: PD at 21 looks about 14, but becomes relatively attractive in a preppy way after his Cinderella transformation.
• 4 Skin: PD gets his pants pulled to his ankles and shows full rear nudity in a shower scene, both revealing great legs and butt despite his skinny adolescent appearance.

14: "For Better and For Worse" aka "R.S.V.P." (1993)
A young French couple invites the Pope to their wedding as a joke, but when he accepts, their relationship and the wedding go awry. http://imdb.com/title/tt0106938/

• 4 Production: Painfully predictable film is poorly written, poorly directed and unsatisfying all around. Nice location shots in Paris, though.
• 4 Acting: PD and his female lead are adequate as the couple, but have zero chemistry between them. A decent cast does its best with dialog that simply doesn’t ring true.
• 5 Hair: PD on the cusp of hotness at 27 in mostly attractive clothes (he looks great in a turtleneck), though he can’t really pull off the black trench coat and fedora look. PD’s long-on-top hair is sometimes sexy and sometimes a bit wild.
• 1 Skin: Just a peek of PD’s chest through an open pajama top.

14: "The Right to Remain Silent" (1996, TV Movie)
A rookie police officer on her first night on the job processes eight different arrests and learns about the diverse characters and their crimes. http://imdb.com/title/tt0117478/

• 6 Production: Interesting, decently made movie explores the shades of grey in each character’s story.
• 6 Acting: Good and diverse cast, most of whom appear only in short individual stories. PD gives a good performance as a drunk driver trying to charm his way out of the consequences, unaware at first that he’s killed a small girl in the accident.
• 5 Hair: PD looking good but not great with long and curly hair.
• 0 Skin: All buttoned up
• -3 Penalty points: PD gets very little screen time, as just one of eight different short stories.

14: "In a Shallow Grave" (1988)
A mysterious young drifter forms the center of an unusual love triangle between a disfigured war veteran and the woman he left behind. http://imdb.com/title/tt0095364/

• 3 Production: Goes for existential lyricism but sinks under the weight of its own pretentions. Very, very slowly paced.
• 4 Acting: Slightly strange, sexually ambiguous performance from PD as the drifter. Other performances are languid to say the least.
• 5 Hair: Fairly good hair for one of PD’s earlier roles.
• 2 Skin: PD looks very young at 22, but nicely lean and sinewy in his oversized undershirt.

13: "Mobsters" (1991)
The rise of four infamous New York crime kingpins in the 1920’s. http://imdb.com/title/tt0102460/

• 5 Production: Derisively called ‘Young Buns with Tommy Guns.’ Too much violence, not enough chemistry. Apparently the production of this film was a mess in every way and it shows. You can just smell the antagonism on the set. Feels like a lot of money poorly spent.
• 6 Acting: Bad casting, none too convincing performances. The ensemble never seems to gel. PD the best of the lot as the young Meyer Lansky.
• 2 Hair: PD at 25 sports very unattractive slicked-back hair for historical accuracy.
• 0 Skin: Buttoned up for the whole film.

12: "Heaven Help Us" (1985)
Coming of age comedy set in a Catholic boys school of the 1960’s. http://imdb.com/title/tt0089264/

• 7 Production: Charming, well made movie. PD’s film debut.
• 7 Acting: Good performances all around from an excellent cast.
• 1 Hair: PD looks very bland at 19, and doesn’t make much of an impression as one of the students.
• 0 Skin: All buttoned up.
• -3 Penalty points: PD gets little screen time and few lines in a minor supporting role.

12: "Me & Will" (1999)
A mutual love of motorcycles leads two women to break out of rehab for a road trip to Montana in search of the legendary chopper from "Easy Rider." http://imdb.com/title/tt0160518/

• 6 Production: Written, produced and directed by the two stars, this is actually a decent little road film with an excellent soundtrack. Features clips from "Easy Rider" and what seems to be the genuine Captain America chopper. Looks like a tiny budget well spent.
• 6 Acting: Good performances from the two leads. PD is not especially convincing as the drug addict Fast Eddie, boyfriend of the doomed half of the pair. Embarrassing cameo by porn star Traci Lords as a hostile waitress.
• 0 Hair: PD at 32 is definitely not a sight you want to see. He’s grungy, disheveled, unshaven, covered with gang tattoos, and wears a filthy wifebeater and lots of heavy chains. His fingernails are dirty, his hair is greasy and he looks like he smells rancid. Ugh.
• 2 Skin: One brief sex scene with significant PD nudity viewed through the window of a Winnebago, but it’s so bleak and sad that there’s no titillation factor at all.
• -2 Penalty points: Surely the nadir of PD’s career. Do you really want to see him freebasing or nodding off with a needle still in his arm?

10: "Something About Sex" aka "Denial" (1998)
Four couples deal with relationship fallout after an author causes them to question their beliefs about fidelity. http://imdb.com/title/tt0126861/

• 2 Production: Horrid movie in nearly every way. PD as a porn addict. Need I say more?
• 4 Acting: Despite the movie’s general waste of a good cast, Amy Yasbeck is quite delightful. In a relatively sweet scene at the end, PD turns down a seductress to remain faithful to his pregnant fiancée.
• 1 Hair: PD looks like he’s embarrassed to be seen in this movie, and is nearly unrecognizable behind horrible weird hair, an ugly soul patch and big black glasses.
• 3 Skin: PD, buff at 32, wearing boxer shorts and showing off some very nice thighs.
• 1 Extra credit: Great, brief plate-juggling moment (better than a similar trick 4 years earlier in "With Honors") when PD’s chef character is in the restaurant kitchen.
• -1 Penalty points: PD’s yucky (thankfully non-graphic) masturbation scenes in a bathtub and a porno theater.

9: "The Treat" (1998)
The lives of three prostitutes specializing in bizarre fantasies come undone when they perform at the mayor’s party. http://imdb.com/title/tt0120871/

• 2 Production: Annoying, pointless, tasteless, boring and totally un-erotic.
• 2 Acting: Good cast, bad performances. Perhaps this is the best they could do with such embarrassing dialog. PD plays a minor role as an estranged husband looking for his drug-addicted prostitute wife.
• 5 Hair: PD looking pretty good at 32, though his character is dispirited and disheveled throughout.
• 0 Skin: All buttoned up

7: "Ava’s Magical Adventure" (1994)
A 10-year girl runs away from home accompanied by Ava, the elephant she liberates from a shabby little circus. http://imdb.com/title/tt0109179/

• 2 Production: To quote the ringmaster, this is truly "A Circus of Shame." Painfully amateurish with bad writing, directing, editing, sound, cinematography and continuity. Looks like they ran out of money halfway through the production and just tried to make do. PD’s directorial debut (keep your day job).
• 3 Acting: Weak cast occasionally rises to the level of a bad high school play. Timothy Bottoms seems to be drunk throughout his entire performance. However Georg Sanford Brown, the sole bright spot in the film, is good as an escaped convict. If I’m not mistaken, that’s PD in an uncredited performance wearing clown makeup and costume, juggling while riding a unicycle.
• 2 Hair: PD at 28 mostly appears unshaven, in a ratty bathrobe with strange, messy hair in his throwaway role as the ne’er do well boyfriend of the little girl’s mother.
• 0 Skin: All buttoned up.